Having time to reflect can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it is nice to slow down and really dig into everything; breaking it down to its most basic levels. On the other hand, dwelling can cause me to go down roads I don't like. Finding the middle ground is key.
This is something I've touched on so many times in conversations with different people. Being grounded, finding the happy medium, whatever you want to call it. It's the extremes that seem to cause unhappiness.
Take a look at politics if you need a good example. Its rare that you find one who is either grounded or truly moderate. Knowing that, if you think politics in the US are in a good place you might want to see a psychiatrist. It's the same way for our personal and professional lives.
One big issue I've been trying to figure out is how I trust people. How do I give out my trust, at what levels do I give it out, and who do I give it to? Trust is such a tricky, complicated, scary thing. Maybe not with little things, like trusting a co-worker to get a simple task done or one of your friends to help with you something simple.
I'm talking about handing over your trust in its entirety. Trusting someone with every little crazy detail of your life. That just sounds overwhelming. Its key for everyone to have someone they trust like that, because those are the people we go to for advice or just to vent.
I'm having my first experiences in not really having anyone physically near me that I trust on that level. I still have my friends, and we will be able to talk on occasion, but nowhere near the amount that I need. They will all have other people they can go to, as I would hope, but I haven't found anyone here yet that I feel comfortable enough to give that trust out to.
So here is where I start to understand why I trust certain people, and when I give that trust out. I guess I search for friends in the same way I search for companionship from a woman. I need someone who is intelligent, has a sense of humor that is compatible with mine, and someone who doesn't freak out over the small shit. If you fit those criteria, you've passed step one. Step two, don't be a douche. It's pretty simple. Now, I can't really tell you what I mean by 'douche', but I can spot one when I see one.
After that, its all about starting out simple and small. Giving out minor, inconsequential details about myself. I expect to be judged, not on the information I'm willingly giving out, but rather on the experience that someone has while they are with me. If I'm not going to give a shit about your past, you better not give a shit about mine.
Well... I'm rambling a little bit now... where was I?
Oh yes, understanding my emotions. It's been a long week for me, emotionally. I've had plenty of time to think. I like the direction that I'm heading. Growing up, maturing, its all a very interesting process. I still have my flaws, and I always will, but I honestly like them. A flawed person is a hell of a lot more interesting than someone perfect or someone who claims to be perfect.
Here's the moral, and I guess the point I'm trying to get across. Take a little time to think about yourself. Think about what you've done over the last few weeks. Do you understand why you've acted the way you have? Do you like what you've done? You can say you will change, but you can't begin that process until you understand why the hell you're doing it in the first place.
-Brayton
PS Since I gave a little 'coming of age' bit in here, I found a somewhat appropriate song. Some of you have seen me post this before, but if you just listen to the words and let the music take over, you'll really understand why I think its appropriate. Enjoy! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment